Immigrant Potpourri

We’re not going to explain ourselves or that absence. But hey! Now that we’re back, let’s see how many people we can insult in one go! Here’s what’s been happenin:

Yesterday, Our Mockery World Exploded with the Ridiculousness of the Following:
The following what? The following MySpace page! Now, as we’re pretty sure the talent in question devotes any time not spent delighting in common thievery and/or smoking mad good tree to googling herself, we can’t publish any specifics, but Diana “doesn’t think” she reads the blog, which is good enough for us, so we can hint pretty explicitly and not even feel bad. Take the first and middle names of everyone’s favorite pretend folk singer and slap those gals at the end of a http://www.myspace.com/ and be amazed amazed amazed, and maybe a little queasy too. Make sure your volume’s up, and pay especial close attention to the glass-ass line. I swear to god you will swear it’s Joni omg. (Um Ps. If the lady in question does happen to find this post then, I guess… sorry I just officially ended our friendshiplet via the internets? Word. That’s all I got, sorry-wise.)

Other News:

Diana Farted In Front of her Boss
Proving once and for all that just because your mom’s posh neighbor friend got you a fancy khakis-and-a-cardigan job at Sony doesn’t mean you won’t fart in front of your boss.

The Opening Line To Radiohead’s New “House of Cards” Is “I Don’t Wanna Be Your Friend, I Just Wanna Be Your Lover.”
I know we throw “the hottest thing ever” around a lot here on Umm Hot Immigrant Bitches, but seriously, when Thom sings that line whilst doing his crazy little sexshimmy around the microphone, the intensity with which I wish to bang his lazy-eyed ass isn’t even funny.

VH1’s The Drug Years Is Great
And great, and great, and whoooops— crack!poverty!death! I’m gonna go ahead and isolate the early turning point as the moment in “Episode Two: Feed Your Head (1967-71)” in which some exhippiejunkie explains that the streets of Haight-Ashbury were catless during the Summer of Love because “the speedfreaks would go out and capture all the cats and eat them.” Cheap, yes, but I just don’t think that that’s what the Summer of Love was supposed to be about, Speedfreaks. Thanks for ruining The Drug Years for me.

A 70-piece Bulgarian Herd of Goats was Murdered by Lightning
They say it was because the herd was under a tree when the lightning struck, but that doesn’t make any sense. Do trees explode or start shooting goats when hit by lightning? No, they do not. Obv there was some foul play up in that field, but who cares cause it’s just some goats in Bulgaria.

We Looked Into the “Making My Plants So Hard to Reach” Reference
And apparently it’s some Hedberg. At first I was ashamed that none of us realized this, especially since “Mitch Hedberg RIP” comes right before it (see below), but then I remembered that the fact still remains that P.G. has “making my plants so hard to reach” as an interest on facebook, which is just ludicrous no matter the author.