Woosh!

20 days and no posts! That’s a pretty long stretch – longer even than that time we closed shop to provoke Diana into posting again (which isn’t really surprising cause seriously, did any of us actually give a shit about that?). In any case, apologies for that extended siesta - we’ve missed you, especially cause A LOT has been going durn in the neighborhood.

For example, some of you may remember the huge crush I had on Al Gore in summer-fall 1992. Well kids, it’s back. Big time. And it’s fiercer than ever, facilitated by the incredibly hot An Inconvenient Truth global warming flick, and its subsequent press coverage, like this unbelievably sizzling article which everyone’s favorite magazine has on stands now. We especially like the “Gore has just cracked his second Heineken” line, cause if there’s anything we enjoy more than a slice of Ol’ Al G., it’s a slightly boozy one.

Other News:

The Dinosaur Community Has Named A Newly Discovered Species “Dracorex Hogwartsia,” After H.P.
Apparently, the choice was made because “visitors thought this new herbivore dinosaur looked like a dragon.” Um...I hate to be the one to break it to you, visitors, but I think that might just be what dinosaurs look like. In any case, 7 year old boys around the world, and Pasty R, rejoice.

Tina Has Figured Out a Way to Scam Fandango or Some Shit
I haven’t seen a V-L this happy since P.Paul spent summer ’98 rolling into the Greenburgh Town Pool 10 minutes before closing each day, thus avoiding the $3 fee.

The Da Vinci Code Has Been Seen
Obviously, even aside from all that Christ-y shit, the movie had some serious issues, like the nonkiss at the end (You can make all the walking on water jokes you want, Tautou, but Jesus wouldn’t have stood for that forehead peck bullshit, and neither should you.) and casting Paul Bettany as Silas, who is neither hot nor cuddly in real life. No matter how much he scowled, every time movie Silas killed someone, all I wanted to do was jump into his arms and congratulate him on winning Wimbledon against such odds, and that’s a problem. Of course there was also the issue of the motley crew of losers Ron Howard &co rounded up to play the Priory of Sion at the end...cause like, maybe it’s just me, but if I were Jesus’ granddaughter or whatever and I had a hot murderous albino on my tail, I don’t think bearded Johnboy on the right and the surrounding random smattering of literal little girls is who I’d immediately turn to for protection. I think we can all agree that Gandalf was pretty amazing though.

And Lastly, as we’ve suspected for some time,
Weed Is Good For You
Or something along those lines. A more in depth look into the issue will be taking place all weekend chez LBell.